SAHM (What They Think)

For real though, whoever painted the picture of a Stay at Home Mom obviously never was one.

What the world expects (minus my husband because he’s awesome):
Wake up instantaneously beautiful, looking refreshed after a great nights sleep. While looking and smelling delightful, breakfast is made. Breakfast is then cleaned. Send Daddy off to work with words of affirmation and encouragement. Turn around to see your precious children all cleaned up from breakfast…because they clean themselves. Get them dressed in matching outfits and tackle the day. One hour of focused educational activities. An hour of practicing instruments and censor awareness for the little one. Feed them a colorful lunch and have Bible time while they eat. After lunch they all quietly go down for naps at the same time. During the 2-3 hour naptime, the house gets cleaned. As it sparkles, you sip on some hot coffee, catch up on your soap operas and enjoy your relaxation time. When the kids wake up, they enjoy the afternoon snack you have prepared and then go for a leisurely walk. 5:30 rolls around and you have the homemade bread rising and casserole cooking just in time for your spouse to walk in and smell the beautiful aroma. As the children have quality time with Daddy, you are in the kitchen all alone enjoying making dinner. After a family dinner full of great manors and genuine laughter, it’s fun in the bath and off to bed. Just a few minutes of pickup time and then a candlelit desert with your honey by 8pm. And then……..

Reality: Get woke up at 5 am, after a few hours of sleep. Put baby in bed with you to nurse back to sleep so you can get back into your dream. Get woke up at 7am by the other kids just to realized you leaked your milk all over your sheets and they stink. And so do you. Snuggle time in stinky bed with whole family. Get coffee. Make a big ol breakfast that makes a big ol mess. Kids needing boogers and butts wiped all the while. You wipe them. You don’t wash your hands. Sneak a smooch in here and there with your babe. Eat a loud cautic breakfast at the table that didn’t get wiped down the night before. Prayer time before spouse leaves…….that you aren’t really focused on because everyone is talking. Clean up breakfast mess, change diaper, nurse again. Try to get some time in with God. While trying to get in tune with the spirit, taking breaks to tell the kids if they don’t stop fighting you are going to smack there heads. You would never really do that, but you say what works. Baby is tired. Rock baby and look at fb. While rocking, baby pulls your hair to soothe. You are literally in pain the entire time. But you let him. Baby is almost asleep. Other children find that a perfect time to burst in the door crying and screaming about who hit who. Ticked. Everyone is wide awake. Spank there butts. Threaten their lives and start all over. Rocking baby, hair being pulled and guilt kicks in. You realized you haven’t even played with them today. Get baby to sleep. Go to play with them. Laugh, act like a gorilla, be completely immature and irresponsible. Getting nothing done other than memories. Baby awakes! Shoot! Haven’t started laundry yet. Do that. Make lunch. Feed them. Nurse. Put big ones to bed. They get up to pee, they get up for a drink, oh wait, now they need to poop. Interestingly it takes so much longer to poop when they should be sleeping
Finally get them down and baby is eating breakfast crumbs from the unswept floor.
Oh well, he’s fine. Eat whatever is fast as you are cleaning. You don’t sit. Sit?!?! What does that even mean? Chug a pink drink (had to)! Nurse baby. Put baby down. Oh &)@$!!!!! It’s 4:30!!!!! Go into full speed cleaning mode. You completely wrecked the house when playing with kids and spouse will be home in an hour! Get er done! Baby wakes up after only 20 minutes of sleep. Needs held because he is sleepy. Continue, with a baby on your hip. Ah! DINNER!!!!! THAW THE MEAT!!!!! Light a candle. Oh SHOOOOOT!!! Forgot to out laundry in dryer. Start it all over. Spouse gets home. Throw children at your spouse! You just realized you haven’t peed yet. All day. Allow your spouse to handle kids while you take longer than normal in the bathroom. Catch up on emails. Plan a girls night. Go and cook breakfast with a child on your hip, one pulling your pant leg down while sitting on your foot and the other playing airplane with daddy. Eyes fill up with tears. Thankfulness overcomes you and you praise God outloud, admist the other little voices and laughter. Eat a loud dinner together. Play. Prayers. Bedtime. Take turns with the bedtime fights. 9pm, finally alone time with your darlin’
…….until the baby awakes.

People just don’t know!

“We might not have it all together, but together we have it all.”

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