Marriage 101

Coming up on 10 years of marriage, I have obtained a pretty hefty file cabinet of knowledge. For our anniversary, I would like to open some of those files for you. Read if you dare…….

File 1,82 – Tips

*** He doesn’t know what you’re thinking. Don’t pout. Don’t give hints. Don’t beat around the bush. He WILL NOT get it. Tell him.
*** You fell head over heals in love with him just the way he was. You had the butterflies. You had the longing in the pit of your stomach every moment you were apart from him. He’s still the same guy.
***YOU make sure and be the same girl.

File #284 – Fairytales

We just want the fairytale, right? Especially us girls. Well let me tell ya, life ain’t always a fairytale. They missed some MAJOR parts in the movies.
But ya know what?! It’s a good goal and I am living my fairytale right now, so I’m proof it can happen. I can also tell you exactly how to make it happen. You ready? I’m serious. This works.
Stop waiting for him to be the prince and YOU start being the princess.
Ya hear?
I spent several years waiting like a grumpy ol’ nag (the term needed to be used) for him to become what I need before I was going to be what he needed.
Stop it!
Be a princess. Brush your hair, shave your legs, be fresh and kind and loving. Be sweet.
The rest truly will fall into place.

File #737 – Money
You can’t take it with ya folks. Don’t allow something that will die with you to kill your marriage. Absolutely do not allow it. This is a team effort. Here is the goal:
Monthly come together and chat about your budget. Monthly talk about goals and make sure you are on the same page. Both of you have to be open to what the others concerns are. Don’t be controlled by financial stress. It will kill you and your marriage.

File #922 – Communication
So communication is difficult when the one you’re communicating to is paying no attention, right? He won’t even look at you while you’re talking. All you get is a grunt, and “uh huh” or an “ya babe”, knowing good and well he is not listening and does not care.
Am I right?!
WRONG. I promise he IS listening. But he has heard it so many times that he stops trying.
Ladies, hear my heart on this. I longed to have the marriage that I now have for YEARS. I talked until I finally gave up, became cold and no longer wanted to be married. I fell away. I quit.
Listen to me. Learn from me. Don’t quit.
Change the way you communicate!!!!! Here is how:

What does he enjoy? Sports? Outdoors? Cooking?
First step is to do that with him. If it’s taking him to a game or going hunting with him or whatever it is, do it with him! Love on him. Find interest in HIS interests. That will give you an opening to his heart.

Second step is to start the conversation with bragging on HIM. Talk about how he has a knack for hunting and what a sexy outdoorsman he is …….talk about how good his butt looks in those jeans…….let him know he is loved and appreciated and desired.

Third step is this. Once you’ve gotten to that point. Re-evaluate. Usually by this time all those things you were going to “TELL HIM” don’t seem too important anymore. But the ones that do, talk about it. If you’re feeling like there is no romance, and WE NEED ROMANCE, then say “This was so much fun! WE need to turn up the romance. I’m getting hungry for more of you babe. Any ideas?”

Notice how I didn’t point a finger or talk about what HE needed to do?

# File 539 – Courting
Stop waiting for the money.
Stop waiting for the man.
Make the move. If you can afford to go out for dinner and a movie, do it! Plan it!
If you can go paint pottery then settle down for some live music on a patio, put that flirtatious dress on and GO!
If you are broke (which you will be at different points in the marriage) Light some candles, pour a bubble bath, turn on the tunes, go for a walk, fix up the bed of the truck with food and wine under a blanket of stars. It costs nothing to start a fire……

Now listen, I know we desire for HIM to be doing all of this. And he will. Through this process he will realize that he is a MAN and he will begin to desire to be your man in a way he never has before. Trust me on this.

File # 926 – Comparison
Do NOT. I repeat, DO NOT compare your husband or your marriage to anyone else’s! Stop it right now. If you have to delete all social media, do it. That’s it. No elaboration. Just stop.

File #163 – Kids
So that’s a whole new boat. Now we have thrown little humans in the mix that can’t do anything by themselves. You now have the role of “Mom” along with the many other roles we carry as women. This sounds harsh and backwards and unnatural, but its right: Put your husband first.
Have I always done that?  no.
Do I now? Yes.
You’re kids need to know that you and daddy are ONE. You are a team. You love to make daddy happy. You adore daddy. Stay up a little late for one on one time with your man. Get a babysitter and put makeup on and go be a girl and not a mom! This is not an option. Do it. He needs you. Don’t leave him for your kids.

File # 229 – The bedroom
Let’s just be real.
The lingerie in your closet is the same lingerie you got for your wedding shower. Am I right?
You pretend to sleep when you’re “just too tired”
You drag that period out an extra day…

Girls, buy new lingerie!
Just be real when you’re too tired “Baby, I’m exhausted. Give me a good nights sleep and I’ll rock your world in the morning.”
Stop using sex as a tool. Or as a gift to him. It’s a gift to both of you and it’s good!!! Remember?!
Think of the hot summer nights, think of the times…….you know……..the really passionate times and recreate that. It will bring you closer and keep you close.

File # 801 – Change
You will change and he will change. It’s life. But you are still the same 2 souls that you were when you fell in love. Choose to love the changes in him. Love him with ZERO expectations. He has to do nothing to earn your love. It is there. Always. Through every change.

The Cabinet – God
He is what holds this all together. He is who designed marriage. He is who created your husband just for you. He is the ONLY way. God doesn’t want you to live in a draining, passionless, lifeless marriage. He has MORE for you. He is still writing your story. If you ask Him for direction and live selflessly in your marriage, you can count on Him to do his part.
He loves your husband unconditionally. Have that same love for him

To my husband: When I met you I was hooked. I tried to run. You tried to run. There was no point. We needed each other to function. To live. We were made for each other.

I’m sorry. For the years I spent trying to change you. For the harsh words spoken. For comparing you to others. For pressuring you when you already felt the weight of the world on your shoulders. I’m sorry that I didn’t see the hurt you experienced. I’m sorry.

Thank you. For making me mad. Sometimes I needed that to know I was still in love. Thank you for not quitting even when I wanted to. Thank you for loving our children as Jesus loves. Thank you for the back tickles, the late night dances, the bubble baths, the dates, the soft kisses. Thanks for acting like a complete fool with me. You know that turns me on
Thank you for gracing my life with your presence. I wouldn’t want to live a day in this world without you in it.
Thank you for walking away even when it made me want to kill you.
Thank you for punching the pillow instead of my face.
Thank you for calling me out on my crap.
Thank you for hanging in there with me babe, for 5 years of dating and 10 years of marriage.

You are IT. You have become this man that I always knew you were. Do you remember all the times I would tell you of this man? I believed in you then and I believe in you now. You LIVE for God. You put me next. You treat me like your priority. You take me out, you scoop me up, you make me crazy in the best of ways. You make me desire for more. More of God, more of you, more out of life. You are adventurous and kind. You are bold, yet gentle. You lead me well. You lead our children well. You lead our church well. You lead your Men’s Encounter brothers well. I love that our dates sometimes have to stop so you can counsel someone. That’s my husband. What?! Gosh I am blessed.

You’re my best friend……..
After all the ups and downs we’ll go through, there we’ll be, me and you, AFTER ALL

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